We are almost home!

Well, we started out on August 7th and today is August 23rd. We weren't going to get home until Saturday or Sunday, but after the Sand Dunes, we just put the pedal to the metal, all through Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania. All we could think about was seeing Wiggy and Wally. We missed them so much. It didn't matter much, because there wasn't much to see in those states, especially Kansas. Oy vey, Kansas. The best thing we saw in Kansas was a beautiful sunset, which we hadn't seen since the first couple of days somewhere in Tennessee or something. It was as flat and boring as they say. We took a back road thinking it would be cool to go through some small towns. Not so much...





Ok, let me back up. Shannan blogged the first 2 days and then lost interest. She kept notes though to fill in the blanks later. Good thing because i can't remember anything beyond the day i'm in. All i know for sure is this was one of the best, if not the best, vacation i have ever taken. We had a blast. We saw some spectacular scenery...

New Mexico
Sedona
Grand Canyon
Zion National Park
Bryce Canyon
Red Rock Canyon (Dixie National Forest)
Scenic 12 and 24 Byways (Southern Utah)


We saw lots of wildlife...

lizards
cows, cows, and more cows
horses
deer
elk
frogs (millions of them hopping across the road in Kansas!)
prairie dogs
jack rabbit?? it looked like a rabbit with rabbit ears and long human-like legs. On second thought, i think it was an alien!

We tried to eat healthy...except for insanely good home-made pie in Utah. Oh, and everything at the hotel in Dallas, which was smothered in cheese:( Shannan made fun of me for packing a cooler full of Whole Foods foods at the start of the trip. It was great until we got to Dallas, when we abandoned our car (and hence the cooler) for three days. We stayed at the Texan Gaylord, a massive bubble of a hotel, restaurants, shops, etc., which makes it very convenient to never have to leave the premises. I didn't want to deal with the cooler, so we just pretended it didn't exist. I secretly hoped Shannan would go empty it out one day while i was in a seminar but she didn't:( So before we left for Flagstaff, we did the dirty deed. It was gross. We never did go to Whole Foods in Austin.


Austin was cool but reminded me a bit of New Orleans...you know the day after a night of partying when the streets smell like beer and pee. We found a quaint little restaurant to have lunch in, but we didn't stick around after buying some souvenirs in a touristy shop because of the flock of homeless people and other degenerates in the streets.

From Austin, we had a marathon driving session to Flagstaff, Arizona. The drive through New Mexico up 25 was awesome. I don't remember seeing New Mexico when i took the cross-country trip with Rosann. The scenery was unbelievable. I don't think we have any pictures of it. Dumb.

As we approached Flagstaff, i got more and more excited. After all, this is where i wanted to move to after the first time i visited in 1988. It has changed a lot. John still lives in the 7-bedroom ranch overlooking the valley, but it's been reduced to 4 (or 5?) bedrooms because of a gorgeous master bath and walk-in closet in the master suite. Rico Suave! The valley is now full of...suburbs! :( :( The downtown is still cute as ever, but the town is flooded with hotels and gas stations and strip malls. It was all kind of sad. i wasn't feelin' it like i had in years past.

Despite the warnings from John about lowlanders bike riding in the high altitude, Shan and i set out for a bike ride through town and out to the university. I got my ass kicked! It was rough. i just couldn't breathe. Shan didn't break a sweat. What else is new? It was fun though. We met John for lunch at the Beaver St. Brewery and had the best pita and hummus and salads EVER!

We tried to ride our bikes out to John's building where Lisa owns a hair salon. It was farther than i thought, so i wimped out and we turned around and drove there instead. We missed her and didn't get to go inside. Duh.

The next day we went to Oak Creek Canyon and Sedona. It was as beautiful as i remember. The guy at the visitor's center recommended we hike Little Horse Trail out to the Twin Buttes and Chicken Point. It's easy, he says, like 3 miles round trip. No problem, i say. ugh. We're still not sure, but it was at least 4 miles and possibly 6 (according to an elderly couple donning pedometers and a book we later read in a souvenir shop respectively). All i know is, once again, i got my ass kicked. I learned one thing on this trip. I am really out of shape! Must do something about that when i get home...

I'm glad i didn't give up on this hike, even though i whined a lot and even stop to sob a bit. It was freakin' hot (90's...but it's a DRY heat...whatever. Heat's heat!) and i only loaded my Camelback up with 2 bottles of water ("it's easy, 3 miles"; jerk!). That was not a good feeling when we just started back and i slurped that last bit of backwash through the giant Camelback straw. But let me tell you about Chicken Point. Oh, my lord. It was so awesome reaching the end. There's a GIANT red rock that you can climb up and look out over everything. It's also the destination of the wimpy tourists who take the jeep tour. Mind you, they hop out of the jeep in their short shorts and white white tennis shoes (some wear flip-flops). Meantime, i have a permanent sweat mark in the shape of a Camelback on my back. I was really loving it up there until they invaded my peaceful state (namaste). The hike back was not nearly as torturous. Funny thing...it was ALL DOWNHILL. No wonder i was dying on the way "up."

That experience definitely messed with my confidence and attitude about hiking and biking. It would take a couple of days to work through my fear of being tortured again. Tortured we were not on Wednesday night when John took us to 80's night in a local bar. Once i got over the fact that everyone in the bar was young enough to be my offspring, we had a blast dancing. We called it an early night, though, dragging John out because we wanted to get an early start the next day for the Grand Canyon.

The Grand Canyon was a blur. Shortly after we got there, a dark rain cloud began following us from point to point. We managed to snap a few photos and take in the fabulous view before high-tailing it out of there. This was my 3rd time there, so i was ok with it, but i wish Shannan could have gotten to experience it a little more up close and personal.

We didn't get to camp in the Grand Canyon so we headed for Utah. We crossed the state line late at night after some very stressful mountain driving (curvy, steep, guardrail-less, and very, very dark; oh, and did i mention rainy?). We found what we thought was a quaint mom-and-pop motel (with wireless internet no less!). The Shiloh Inn was actually anything but cute, and mom and pop weren't there. It was kind of a dive, and the wireless didn't work. Did i mention it wasn't cheap either. Ok, get over it and move on.

We learned there is more to Utah than Mormons. It was actually my favorite state of the whole trip. We weren't even gonna go there until a couple people said we should. It was freakin' gorgeous. The enormous monstrosity that is Zion National Park with the mile-long rock tunnel (yikes!) through the Red Rock Canyon of Dixie National Forest to Bryce Canyon's hoodoos and best of all the several-hours-long Scenic 12 and then 24 Byways. Good thing we filled up the tank because there's about a 3-hour stretch (at least) where there is no civilization at all. We did spot 2 hikers, full backpacks and all, along the side of the road, who, when spotting us coming, quickly stuck out their thumbs. Now, i would never pick up a hitchiker, let alone 2, in the middle of nowhere, even if we had a clear back seat, which we did not, but these guys looked as tortured as i was in Sedona, red faces (it was in the 90's again). I imagined they'd been hiking as long as we'd been driving (forever) and ran out of water. Perhaps they started out this hike thinking it would be cool and quickly realized they'd made a horrible mistake, that it would take days to get to some kind of familiar life form. Shannan was not as sympathetic. We yelled at each other a bit as i watched them shrink in my rear-view mirror, convinced they were going to die if we didn't do something. something, something, something. but what? we can't pick them up. we already established that. i know. i'll send help...as soon as we hit a town. huh? town? there was no town. we didn't even know when that would be. I made a mental note of where they were. 68 miles on the odometer. I'll just tell "somebody" that's where they are. Maybe there is a search for them. Maybe they are on the news as missing. Maybe somebody is looking for them. This is exactly the same dimented mentality i had when i was 8 years old in the family station wagon on Route 80, car in park, motor off, family sleeping, waiting for the traffic to start moving again after a tractor-trailer jack-knifed in a snowstorm. I must stay awake, i panicked. Who will tell dad to start driving when the traffic starts moving? I must stay awake. Ok, back to the stranded hitchhikers. I can't think because Shannan is yelling at me. "Throw some water bottles out the window," i shout back. I can't understand why this request is so ridiculous to her. "No!" "Just do it!" "No!" "If you don't, i'll pull over," i threaten. There's just no threatening Shannan. She's so damn stubborn. So i pull over. She's freaking out. "Are they in your view?!" No, relax. I carefully select 5 ice-cold bottles of water from the cooler and strategically place them on the shoulder of the road. They will surely appreciate this, i congratulate myself. Now they will survive. My work is done here. We can move on. i thought of them for the rest of the day. I sure hope they're not dead. If they are, it's all Shannan's fault.

After about 8 hours, we finally arrived to Mikie's in Cortez, CO. We chatted a lot and took a nice bike ride in the nearby park. After a nice lunch at a nursery (??) (another great pita and hummus concoction), we loaded up the van and set out for Great Sand Dunes National Park. Wow! Hundreds of feet high, Shannan exclaims, "I want to climb it!" Knock yourself out, honey. I'll be in the car. Well, i couldn't leave because we thought we were just going to go look at it, so Shannan didn't have so much as a bottle of water, let alone a hat and sunscreen. But that doesn't stop her. She starts the long walk towards the high-rise of sand. I take a couple pictures of her, turn around and start walking back to the parking lot. No, i better watch her. What if she becomes dehydrated? I better keep her in my sights. Good thing she's wearing a bright orange T-shirt. This went on for -- i don't know -- a half-hour or so. The orange dot just kept getting smaller and smaller. I didn't know if she was going to come back at all! The massive mound of sand seemed so close, but as i watched the orange dot shrink and shrink, it was clearly miles away and miles high. I was relieved when i saw her turn around and run (slide) down a big hill as she began her descent.

Now i can head for the parking lot. "You're from New Jersey?" YES! Oh, my god. we haven't seen a NJ license plate in 2 weeks! I immediately like Scott; he drives a Prius. I really liked Scott when he told me he hated his job so he quit, sold his Hoboken home, and has been on a 4-month road trip. How cool is that?! He told me how hard climbing the sand dunes was, so i didn't feel so bad that i didn't try it. Someone attempted it in sandals (duh) and Scott actually gave him/her (?) his socks! What a guy. Anyway, Scott handed me his card, with his blog address, and when we read it later, he mentioned us! We made the blog:) Right back at ya, dude:) Hope you're enjoying your new home (Scottsdale).

Well, from there, we headed home. You know the rest...Kansas, frogs, and a few other states that were not very memorable. All in all, we traveled over 6,300 miles in 2 1/2 weeks. We broke our no-fighting pact, but it wasn't anything too serious. We escaped being mauled by a black bear camping at Fun Valley, met a boatload of retired RV-owning Texans at the same campground, decided everyone was friendly until we got to Kansas, and I decided after seeing one too many slaughter houses and all the cute animals that reminded me of Wiggy and Wally that i am officially going vegetarian. Who knows how long it will last, but seeing "truck hunters" in Utah pretty much was the last straw, especially when just a mile down the road we saw a cute little doey-eyed deer and knew it was a goner as soon as the camoflauged hunters in the back of the pickup were going to shoot it dead in a few moments. Oh, and it didn't help when we saw these beautiful elk all resting on a farm. Oh, an elk refuge, i exclaimed! then we saw the sign: "Elk Meat For Sale." Oh, man, that sucks. As much as i love the land of the Southwest and Utah and Colorado, let's face it, there are a lot of cowboys and yahoos. And we had to take note of whether we were in a red state or a blue state at every turn. I believe the total score was 14-4 (red v. blue). You can hardly count NJ & PA because they're like home states, but if it weren't for them, it would have been an even more pathetic score. I couldn't help but wonder if all the nice cowboys, Texan senior citizens, Native Indians, and every gas station/mini mart clerk who were so sweet and nice would have been if they knew we were just a couple of left-wing, bleeding-heart liberal queers, who will likely vote for a woman or an African-American for the next President of the United States in 2008. I choose to believe they would have been. But i still told Shannan to feel free to call me "mom" on this trip...just in case!